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I will find it hard to move on. I try to be angry, but it doesn't work. I see more now than I did then, and it doesn't help. In all honesty, I can own my part, but I also know you already made your choice when you let him back in. I am a fool. I will always love you. I pray for your clarity, happiness and guidance (as well as my own). I think of you daily. I can't deny my love any more than I could deny my own existance...despite knowing I was subtly rejected by you and yours after serving my purposes. Per your request, I will leave you alone; if you see this and know its about you- i know you sought it out and i will not take responsibility. This remains a letter never sent. You have more closure than I will ever know. I truly hope your choices bring you happiness.
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I wrote this great little description about myself and what I was looking for and you know what happened? My computer restarted before I had the chance to save it. Now all the words are gone from my head and I don't know how to start over again ha-ha. I'm the kind of person who is always taking care of everyone else but myself. I'm very understanding and do my best to never judge anyone. I may have some old fashioned standards (I won't live with a man outside of marriage, don't do or smoke, not 420 friendly, don't sleep around, don't curse in front of , ect.) but I never hold anyone else to them. They're for me. I'm the kind of friend you can in the middle of the night and you know they'll come to where ever you are and take care of you in whatever pinch you're in. (might have to a few times to wake me up but I'll get there! Ha-ha) I'm loyal, faithful and a good listener (I'm not a dog I promise) As you might already be able to tell, I'm also one for making fun of myself. I have no problem laughing at myself and I'm sarcastic and tease and joke all the time, while still being responsible and respectful of those around me. I'm not outgoing and bubbly and always happy. I'm human, so me for being down or getting mad sometimes. I have a quick temper but it also fades quickly too. I do enjoy life when I get to live it, I like to go places and see and do things. I'm mostly a homebody due to life circumstances, but I do love to go camping and go into one of the big cities for a day or weekend trip. I love theme parks, maybe it's childish, but is my favorite place. I love to go to the coast and Las Vegas is a blast! Love concerts and shows. Since I love to laugh of course I like comedy. I'm a music lover, movie buff, book worm, occasional gamer, photographer, artsy, fixer-upper, do it yourself-er, who likes to cook and bake and plan a party or decorate a room. I'm not sporty but I grew up with a family full of sports fans, I know my sports and teams ha-ha. Okay so that was a lot! Should give you a bit of an idea, what I am like (I know what you're thinking... Long Winded!) I won't tell you what you should be like, because I don't know you do I? And you're always someone different, someone I wasn't expecting... you might not be expecting me either. I honestly think people are too caught up in their ideas of what they want to actually find what they need and that's why it's so hard to find love and friendship. I will tell you that I want friendship first. I'm not looking to date around or sleep around. I would like to talk at least a couple weeks before we even talk about meeting in person. And I mean talk, not just a minute check in every day or two. I want to have actual conversations and learn things about each other. I'm not in a to find out if there is a connection and will we be together forever. Everyone wants an instant relationship and maybe that works out occasionally but usually it doesn't. You need to be able to listen to each other and like each other as human beings first. To be friends and then work your way up from there if things go well. If not, what's the in another friend? I'm not going to give you my number right away and you might as well wait to ask for my till we've spoken at least days. I want us to actually like talking to each other and not base it on attraction. If you can't deal with these things then don't me thinking you'll be the guy to convince me otherwise and get special , you won't I'm sorry. (forgot to mention I'm too ha-ha!) I will tell you I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful or hot (least not in my opinion) I'm not high maintenance but not really easy going. My life isn't drama free but it's not a soap either. I'm human. I'm just me. This is just my life and if you have high expectations for Ms. Perfect. I'm not her. So if I don't sound too impossible or crazy and you still want to get to know me better and let me get to know you, message me. P.S. Please do not be married, in the midst of a divorce, separated or in a relationship of any kind. And age is not a big issue, I prefer a man my age or older but be aware I do want marriage and of my own if the friendship does grow, so if that's not something you're looking for please don't reply. Thank You.
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