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You were my everything for eight very long years. We had good times and we had bad times but we always belonged to each other. Regardless of how many times you left me and our son, regardless of how many times you left me for HER, regardless of how many times you chose drinking and drugging over your family, I was still always here in to care for you and love you. In July, I finally thought I had moved on. I was seeing someone else and it was a breath of fresh air to not have to put up with the drama and instability you brought into our lives. I was happy. I guess you saw that I was happy and had moved on and you felt you had to come in and screw that up, like you had done with everything else so many times. You came to me and begged, cried, got on your knees, prayed and promised. You promised big changes and all the love in your heart. It was okay for a very short time, like it usually is, but then you soon slipped into your old ways again. You let us down, once again. Last week, you left again.
I know that I have played my fair part in the demise of our relationship. There are things I have done to you that you didn't deserve either. But I have always loved you and stood by you at your worst. I was there when your grandma died, when your dad got sick, when your friends started dropping like flies due to drugs. I was there after you hurt me, to let you back in. I am always there when the heartache sets in every July when you think about the smile of the best friend you lost. I hold your hand when it gets tough and I pat your back when you fall down and let you know that it's possible to get back up. I encourage you to do what's right and help keep you in line. I've kept you safe so that you wouldn't get in trouble, I've shared the most vulnerable parts of myself with you. I've given you amazing, mind blowing sex. All for eight very long years.
You texted me last week and said you loved me with all your heart but we just aren't good together. We seem to fit with one another, somehow. Neither of us will ever find another person that puts up with us as much we do each other.
I'm not going to wait around forever. I know it may seem that I will always be here. But I'm getting older, I'd like to be married soon and I am not getting anywhere playing this back and forth game with you. I deserve so much more than what you offer me. I just wish you would come in the house, kiss me like you've never kissed me before, hold me tight in your arms and give me the best sex of my life.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Olive juice.
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Well I'm back in SA right now for spring break. And nothing at all to do but look at the tv and wonder like everyone else what is next for Kim K.....but seriously I don't know what to do with my time. I heard cowboys on Wednesday is fun, but I'm black and my two step dancing hasn't been used since my slave days. I'm open for anything and just a fun time!
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