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Oh my effing God. . .Checking your e-mail every half hour to see if you have gotten any responses. . ..Seeing your e-mail box empty, and believing MUST be down; that is the ONLY way to explain the lack of hundreds of responses to your brilliant posting. . .The cut and paste responses that have absolutely nothing to do with your posting. . . . . . The initial exchange when you generally lose about 50% of the responders . . .Things seem to be going well, but then suddenly **POOF**, she disappears back into cyperspace, never to be seen or heard from again. . . Not to mention the occasional "YOU'RE rejecting ME??!!!" feeling you sometimes get after being that tends to piss you off for the rest of the day. A couple of weeks ago I placed what I thought to be a written and wonderfully romantic post...Really, I thought you would absolutely LOVE it...And I still really wonder why you didn't respond. However, IMMEDIATELY my box began to fill with responses from people other than you...The hot little 22 year old blonde co-ed who inexplicably wants to meet me sight unseen for some NSA -- I just need to pay to join another dating website so I can access her naughty profile...The pictures from the very busty, very bored housewife who wants me to come on over and satisfy her as only I can-- I just need to provide her a card number so she can ensure that I am "real."...And of course there are the countless offers for Russian mail order brides...No thanks. Beet soup is a hearty bowl full of suck. I did date a Russian lady once, but I couldn't keep a straight face because I kept wondering if she was "plotting big trouble for moose and squirrel," but I digress. The very busty, very bored housewife did seem plausible for a minute. . .That is until it occurred to me. . .Hey, wait just a minute. . .How did she know that no one can satisfy her like I can? I'm quite sure we hadn't met. Oh God. . .I would rather have a hot threesome with Reno and Albright than sort through any more one-liners like "How tall r u?" or "Got a ?" Ohhh God...If we actually make it as far as a first meeting. . .No doubt we've had our share of meet greets where we stare at each other across the tops of our venti mocha light cream half frap double shot something or others. We struggle to keep the small talk going while we intensely focus on even the tiniest nuance of the other person's body language in order to try and figure out if he/she is disappointed, while we ourselves dedicate the next 30 minutes to determining just how much potential there is in that half-smiling person sitting across from us. Bleech!! But what are our options these days? Dating a colleague or client is the kiss of death. Rather than ask out a colleague, it would be much easier and much quicker for everyone involved if I were to simply march in my Sr. VP's office, tell him to go "Suck it," and demand he immediately fire me. Besides, women talk, and I don't want my female co-workers knowing what I look like . It's not that they wouldn't look at me with a new-found awe and respect (I suppose that goes without saying), but still, I would rather just leave them wondering. I'm not into the bar scene, and if a fella approaches a woman on the street these days, he's libel to get maced, arrested, or both. Personally I find it a little ironic that women are a little intimidated by me on the street, when in fact I am still worried about. . .ohhh. . .I dunno. . .getting or something. So. . .I guess for now online dating is a necessary evil. That, or continue to spend my weekends watching Chopped re-runs and taking cold showers while the rest of the known universe is out having fun. ((Deep sigh. . .)) Well ladies, let's get this party started. . . I am described as being attractive (described as attractive by me, anyway), athletic and muscular (but not a lunk), intelligent, funny, sincere, just quirky enough to be interesting. . .but not too much to be weird, has an ass that just screams: " me!" " me!", loyal, honest, compassionate, worthy of your trust, gives the most amazing back rubs on the face of the planet. . .nah. . .in the entire universe, pampering and attentive, protective, professional, spontaneous, , affectionate, and a helpless, hapless romantic.
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