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Its is so different being completely alone. Its so been so peaceful and . The drives to the mountains, lakes, etc have been healing and awesome times. No more bouts of crying many tears No more anxiety leaving me short of breath. No more sleepless nights No more emotional attacks with to duty defenses being set off then inflicted No more painful moments each day. No more hurt felt nights No more making love till . Remembering but not missing making love. That time is gone, and will never come alive again. When I look back all is see is , happiness and love in the beginning. The middle/end/post break up.. is the worst part of my life I have ever experienced. Its not repeatable, now will it ever be. Beginning measures in time was 2 mos. Middle/end/post end measured in time is 5 months. When I get or start to think about us, I think of the last 5 sentences that I wrote. Then I let it go. When I hit the last sentence and think of sentence #2... thats all it takes to tell me I was crazy to stay. I was crazy to hope. I was crazy to work on our relationship. I was crazy to fight and defend me and us. I was crazy to think I couldnt live a day without you. I was crazy to love or think I loved you. Its was crazy to think that anything we did have was love. Love dont hurt. Love isnt full of pain. Love isnt us. Thats whats gets me through my day, each and every moment. Thats what tells me Im ok and I dont need to worry about a change to my breathing my next breath. All fair in Love and as they say right. So what so different with our outcome. Nothing. We are where we need to be. Always and Forever.
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